FLIRTATION DEVICE
Guys think of me as a buddy or their sister when I want to be more. My friends say I joke around more than I flirt, but to me, I am flirting! Should I be doing something else? Tell me how to flirt!

DICE SAYS
Clichéd flirt techniques—making goo-goo eyes, giggling at everything he says, getting touchy-feely and let’s not forget the saucy hair flip—can be effective. But everyone’s different in the way they express interest and attraction. I’m actually a lot like you; I could always talk to guys, but the coquette thing never came naturally to me (instead, Sin and I basically bantered a lot). That’s why I can’t advise you to enact those textbook flirtation devices—it’s just not your way, so it’d seem fake. Guys would be able to tell and you’d feel uncomfortable. Being yourself—and flirting your way—really is best. Keep in mind that while some girls find it easy to flirt with just about any boy, that doesn’t mean they’re better at relationships. The fact that you’re good at talking to guys as human beings, and them wanting to be your friend, will serve you in the long run.

SIN SAYS
Consider this: Although you say you want to “be more” to guys, perhaps you haven’t yet met the one who truly has you in thrall. Certain biological changes occur when you’re in the presence of someone you desire—pupils dilate (Dice’s above-mentioned goo-goo eyes), you become excited/flustered (hence the giggling), your body language is affected (that touchy-feely tendency), even your voice is altered (descending or ascending in pitch). When this happens because you’ve really fallen for a boy, it’s not shallow flirting but comes from the heart (and, yes, more libidinous aspects of your anatomy). Trust, dear lady: When the swoon state seizes you it will show itself naturally, and the lucky boy won’t be seeing you as a sister.

YOU’RE IT!
While babysitting my little cousins at this playground, these cute guys came over. One of them told me his name and asked to play tag with us. He was showing off, cracking jokes and giving me these looks the whole time. I liked the attention, but felt the need to play hard to get. Now I’ll probably never see him again. Do you think he liked me? What should I do now?

SIN SAYS
Guys won’t typically risk humiliating themselves in front of their friends unless they have a very good reason. So yes, it’s quite clear this boy liked you. At least, he liked what he saw. You probably didn’t get the opportunity to talk much one-on-one and find out what (if anything) was beyond the initial attraction. Since it seems he resides near your cousins and not in your locality, I suggest you consider this one of those brief but blissful romantic encounters for your memoirs, and cherish it. Then, when meeting boys more geographically available, think back on this experience to boost your confidence about how attractive you are.

DICE SAYS
I want to address your “need to play hard to get,” since I think you sabotaged yourself. Me, I’m not into playing— tag, okay, fine; but head games, no. There’s a difference between throwing yourself at a guy and stepping to him as an equal. Plus, as Sin said, this boy already went the extra mile for you, playing tag with little kids while his friend looked on, cracking up. All it would’ve taken was saying you really had fun and enjoyed meeting him, then asking for his details so you can keep in touch. If that feels to forward or pushy, there’s always inviting him to “friend” or “follow” or otherwise find you on whatever social networking site you use. Consider this for the next time you meet a cool guy so you’ll be proactive about getting something going rather than wonder if he liked you.

ALOOF IN LOVE
Sometimes my boyfriend seems very distant. I love him and want to trust him but I’m afraid that he’s keeping things from me. Should I be worried?

SIN SAYS
Girls and guys tend to communicate differently. Girls will talk about everything—how they feel, why they feel that way, what they had for breakfast, how they felt about what they had for breakfast. Guys can be more reticent and less inclined to share their thoughts and feelings. One reason is, we don’t want to be judged by girls—as long as we keep it to ourselves, you won’t giggle and deem us silly. So what you see as your boyfriend being aloof may simply be his natural state. As long as he treats you with kindness and respect and you have no other grounds for suspicion, let him be who he is.

DICE SAYS
Agreed. In time, as your relationship develops, your boy may find it easier to express himself. Give him a chance to open up. When you’re together and sense “distance,” rather than urge him to share what’s going on inside, reach out with a smile and hold his hand. This will help you feel connected without conversation. Relax and be confident that he’s into you; this will also help him loosen up. Of course, if your boyfriend becomes evasive, out-and-out lies or gets angry with you for asking him a simple question like “What did you do last night?” then maybe you’re right—he is keeping things from you and doesn’t deserve your trust.

TALK THE TALK
How do you get the one you love to talk to you?

SIN SAYS
Easily, dear lady: by talking to him. It can be as simple as: “You live on 10th Street, don’t you? What’s it like over there?” Asking questions virtually guarantees a conversation. Next, give him some information about yourself: “I live on 12th street. It rocks. You should come around some time.” The topic isn’t all that important, since the subtext is: “I’m a smart, cool, confident person and I find you intriguing.” If he doesn’t pick up on that and leap at the opportunity to chat, he’s a fool.

DICE SAYS
Sin’s right: That is a smart, cool, confident way to approach a guy. Only when you’re crushing hard, your smarts, cool and confidence can say sayonara and you transform into a bumbling idiot. That’s why it’s tempting to step to him with a bunch of friends around for support. Resist! Flying solo—away from your friends and his—is ideal since there’s no potential for embarrassment in front of others. The worst that can happen is he won’t be interested, but don’t think of it as rejection—think of it as practice talking to guys, so when the right one comes along you’ll have no trouble chatting him up!

GOODNESS!
I have feelings for this sweet, funny guy, and he’s shown interest in me. But he’s entirely too good for me! His family is everything that mine’s not, and his mother is terrifying. We get along great, and our personalities blend so well, but I don feel that’s enough. I don’t want to put myself out there if I’m going to get burned. How should I handle this?

DICE SAYS
Too good for you? Can I just smack those words out of your vocabulary? Especially since it sounds like you think his family is too good for yours (only terrifying mother? what’s so good about that?). I’m going to take a leap here and guess that by “too good” you mean he comes from money, and you don’t. But as long as the guy doesn’t talk down to you or treat you like crap—and the way you describe him, he sounds pretty cool—quit worrying about his family and let your relationship evolve. Sure it’s a risk—romance always is—but one worth taking.

SIN SAYS
As one deemed from the “wrong side of the tracks,” I know full well how intimidating/infuriating those born to wealth and position can seem. I say, “seem” since it’s possible your own insecurities color how you view his family—and how they view you. So, while I don’t believe you should let that perception keep you from your heart’s desire, I understand your hesitance. Rather than nakedly declare your feelings, and your concerns, simply get to know him as you have been. In time, it should come clear to you whether he’s genuinely noble and down to earth, or if things like status and wealth are important to him—which would make you too good for him!

KISSY QUERY
Should I let my boyfriend kiss me? I’m kinda scared!

DICE SAYS
As a general rule, the words “boyfriend” and “scared” should never appear in the same sentence. It seems to me if you two haven’t kissed yet it’s because you’re just not ready. The more you get to know each other, the more comfortable you’ll feel, and the kissing part will probably come naturally. Of course, if your boyfriend is pushing you towards kissing and you do indeed feel scared, it might best to put the relationship on hold. I’d advise you to tell him, firmly, that he’s moving to fast for you and you’d rather just be friends.

SIN SAYS
Since you or your boy haven’t yet reached the kissing stage, might I suggest holding hands? Despite my rather extensive experience in the romance realm, I still revel in the simple yet extraordinary sensation of having my beloved’s hand in mine. It’s a wonderful way to communicate affection—to each other and the world (a perfectly acceptable form of PDA). Holding hands is supportive, protective, sweet and in its own way, quite swoon-inducing.

TOUCHY SUBJECT
Is the boy I love using me if every time we see each other he only wants to kiss and touch?

SIN SAYS
Not necessarily. Desire is natural and an extremely compelling force, especially when getting physical is new and you’re experimenting with it. And keep in mind that the male of our species, who often gets tongue-tied when it comes to expressing emotion, may find kissing and touching a way of showing true affection. Plus, how can I put this….it feeeeeels soooooo goooood! Of course, what you do with your boy must feel wonderful to you as well. If you don’t enjoy his kisses and caresses, if you feel that he’s moving too fast or, in his excitement, he hurts you in any way, you must stop him and explain what’s going on with you. Do not be silent and let him have his way with you. If he cares, he will respect your wishes and slow down.

DICE SAYS
He “only” wants to be physical? It’s hard to imagine the dude pounces, and then stalks off like some kind of jungle cat. Don’t you talk? Not necessarily about your feelings for each other, but just stuff—school, mutual friends, music, movies. Don’t you have shared interests? If all you have in common is physical attraction, then really you’re using each other. Of course, he might “only” want to make out because all you do is hang out. Sitting around gets boring, no wonder kissing takes over. Ask your boy to do something you enjoy and think he might, too—an activity like a sport, volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about, or simply taking a walk in your favorite part of town. If he turns you down, he’s not interested in a real relationship. Tell him hands (and mouth) off, so you’ll be free to find someone that you connect with on an emotional, intellectual, spiritual and, yep, physical level.

MIND CONTROL
Why do I keep thinking about my crush?

DICE SAYS
Let me get your symptoms straight: You wake up in the morning with him on your mind? He’s the last thing on the brain before you fall asleep? During the day, when you’re not focused on other stuff, there he is? If the answers are, yes, yes, yes, then you have a serious case of crushitis. Which is a perfectly normal and actually pleasant condition. In the early stages of liking someone, you will think about him a lot: When you’ll see him, what you’ll say, what he’ll say, et cetera. Unless you obsess to the point that it interferes with your life—you’re failing tests because “he” wouldn’t let you study or you’re blowing off friends to mope about him. Then it’s a problem, and you should alert someone you trust to help get your mind right. Otherwise, enjoy it while it lasts. Since whether you simply get over him or start a relationship, this constant craving will morph into something else.

SIN SAYS
Ah, but is your crush is afflicted with the same condition? While of course he does think of you, it’s probably not in the same all-consuming way. Males may tend to compartmentalize—which means they have little boxes in their brain, each one a place to put a life role he plays. So when it’s time for him to be a jock, he goes to the jock box; when he must study, straight to the student cubby; when he’s ready to be that boy with a deep and abiding crush on you, he flips to that compartment. Females, contrarily, tend to stream all their roles at once. Of course, knowing the psychology won’t get you any closer to the boy. To move toward romance, get proactive! Practice the triumvirate of flirting: 1) make eye contact; 2) smile warmly; 3) say hi. Ta-da!

CRUSHIN’ COUSIN
I have a serious problem—I mean, people say it’s sick! I am head over heels for my cousin! We’re the same age (16) and he’s such a hottie. I think he likes me too but is hiding his feelings because…well, it’s wrong, right? What should I do?

DICE SAYS
Whoa! Okay—heavy! But keep in mind that you’re not alone. A quick Google search of your situation netted plenty of people who claim to be crushing on a cousin, although none said they “went for it.” In some societies/cultures, it wouldn’t be weird, but in 21st century America, you’re right: It’s not generally acceptable for cousins to date. On a subconscious level, you may have formed this affection for your cuz cuz he’s “safe.” Since you’re socially/morally prohibited from going for him, you get to have the fun of fiending without taking it to the next level. How come? Maybe you don’t feel ready for a relationship yet. Think of this as if it were a crush on a rock star. Meanwhile, when you encounter other guys, check them for the qualities you admire in your cousin. Hopefully, when you meet someone else who has those attributes, you’ll feel more ready to explore a romance.

SIN SAYS
Another reason for your cousin crush may lie in the fact that, as family members, you’re around each other a lot. There’s a popular theory that proximity breeds affection—in other words, you fall for the person you see most often. Perhaps it’s time to branch out. Join a new club or do volunteer work that will expose you to other people—and let those new friends introduce you to even more. As you develop a wider circle, the intensity of your crush will diminish.

A BOY AND HIS YO-YO
The boy I’ve loved forever and have gone out with on-and-off just told me he loves me! Again! Should I be mad he’s telling me this now (we’re in an off phase)? Or happy that he wants me back? It seems like every time I fall for him, he breaks up with me. I have no idea what to do. Please help!

SIN SAYS
Check your belt loop, dear lady, and surely you’ll find a string attached. This cad is at the other end, pulling you back and forth at his whim. (Otherwise known, I believe, as yanking your chain.) You’re just as delightful as you were those other times he said he loved you if not more, but he cannot appreciate that, nor has he a clue what love is. What he’s counting on is your kindness and generosity to welcome him back. I say resist; snip the string and lose the loser. Don’t waste your emotional energy being angry with him, simply set yourself free so that you might find someone worthy of you.

DICE SAYS
Ouch, Sin, harsh! Maybe this guy does really love you, but the problem is he doesn’t know how to be in a relationship. He’s just not mature enough, so when you two are together and he’s comfortable knowing you’re “his,” he starts getting restless and his eyes rove to other girls. Yet even though I’m giving this dude the benefit of the doubt, I have to agree with Sin’s advice and say cut him and steer clear. Your only other option, if your heart is urging you to go back with him, is to try setting some ground rules. Talk openly about what went wrong those other times, come up with some tactics to make it right and give it a shot. But if he plays yo-yo one more time, he’s out.

“THEY” SAY
I have my first boyfriend, but people say he’s a flirt. Also, he used to like my friend, so I feel like I’m second best. What do I do?

SIN SAYS
People? How can you even hear these people when your head is in the clouds of your first romance? Don’t bother about what others say or concern yourself with your boy’s former affection for another girl. Think about how he is with you. Does he honor you and treat you with respect? Does he make you feel good about yourself when you’re with him? Does he challenge you to be the best you can be, and support you when you’re feeling down? If your answers are “yes, yes, yes, yes!” that is all that matters. Trust is crucial to romance success, while doubt can corrupt your confidence, making you seem insecure (and less attractive).

DICE SAYS
Okay, there can be some truth to a person’s reputation (for instance, a guy’s rep as a flirt). Still, I agree with Sin: As long as your boyfriend treats you right and you feel great with him, screw what everyone else says. Maybe they’re jealous of your relationship; maybe what they think is flirting is just his open, friendly personality. That said, your romance might benefit from some ground rules. Like did you two have a conversation about what it means to be going out? If you think it means you’re exclusive, and he doesn’t, someone might get hurt. Don’t bring it up in a big-deal, heavy-duty way; just say something like, “I’m having such an amazing time with you, and I know you’re having an amazing time with me, so let’s make sure we’re both on the same page about this dating thing.”

CRUEL CRUSH
Is it right to love a guy who doesn’t act as though he likes you?

SIN SAYS
In a word: No. If someone treats you poorly, forget that you share the planet with this person. You deserve the best—love, kindness, respect. I urge you to believe that, and to discontinue contact with anyone who does not. Alas, when we’re attracted to someone who doesn’t return the affection, we can think ourselves to be unworthy or unlovable and THAT IS NOT TRUE. So nip this in the bud and find another to crush on.

DICE SAYS
Abso-freakin’-lutely: If someone is mean to you, move on ASAP. If you don’t, you could unconsciously wind up in a cycle of going for people who don’t give you the love, kindness, and respect you deserve. Not the way you want to live your life. But when you say this guy doesn’t act as though he likes you, do you mean he doesn’t pay you attention? It could be he’s just shy, or isn’t aware that you like him. If that’s the case, give him a smile, say hey and see what develops. Somebody’s got to make the first move, and a simple smile isn’t that huge of a risk.

SCARY SECONDS
The love of my life just asked me out. We dated before so I know what he's like, but we’re both worried one of us might hurt the other if we break up. What happens now?

DICE SAYS
To get it right the second time, consider what went down wrong on the first go-round. Was one of you less than honest? Make a pact to be truthful. Did you have different ideas about what it meant to be in a relationship? Get clarity on that definition. Were you unhappy about each other’s friends, habits, or personality quirks? Clear the air about these kinds of issues and figure out a way to deal with them. Maybe that sounds as romantic as a dental appointment, but it seems like you two have already expressed concerns to each other about the possibility of a painful breakup, so before kicking off a sequel, try to arrange for a happily ever after. Don’t make a big deal about it — it’s a conversation, not a war council. You can even give it a fun twist by kissing every time you reach an agreement.

SIN SAYS
Agreed, you and your man may learn from the past and forge a loving future. Do keep in mind, though, no matter how much you care for him, you cannot change him—I say this since you mention, rather ominously, “I know what he’s like.”  If part of what “he’s like” made your relationship sour initially, he’s still probably like that. And while it’s possible for him to change his behavior, he has to really want to and work at it. Your only other contingency is to accept him as he is. Aside from that, remember that romance is always a risk. Even though you and this boy have history, and enter each other’s lives again fully forewarned, you’re still putting your hearts on the line.

STARE CASE
There’s this guy at school I like—he’s super cute. He stares at me but doesn’t talk to me. What should I do?

SIN SAYS
Unless you unknowingly tote a huge griffin or some such on your shoulder, it’s fair to say that this boy’s stare indicates interest in and attraction to you. It’s also true, alas, that some guys believe staring at a girl is like speaking to her without using words. Perhaps he’s insecure or simply shy, but odds are he’ll keep on staring in silence unless you give him a sign that you find him appealing too. To wit: Maintain eye contact and smile (don’t return the glower he’s giving you—be sure your face looks friendly and approachable). After a few instances of sustained visual communication, it’s time for one of you to go over and say hi. There’s a 50-50 chance this will be you. Take it!

DICE SAYS
Sin’s advice makes sense, so as you go for it, find out if there’s a way to get him in close quarters. Can you finagle to sit next to him in a class, partner with him on a project, or relate to him through a club or other extracurricular? I’d also add: Do a little digging—find out what he’s into, what his goals are, what his romantic situation is. This will not only give you some inside info for your eventual conversation, it’ll help you find out if he’s even worth your time. Like if you know he has a girlfriend or is into a scene that doesn’t sit right with you, it doesn’t matter how cute he is, right?

TRICKS & TREATS
There’s this amazing guy and we talk a lot. Any tricks to make him mine?

DICE SAYS
Hey, tricks are for kids! Sorry, couldn’t resist—but my point is, being yourself trumps any kind “boy bait” machinations in the romance arsenal. Really. Like say you find out he has a certain rabid interest, so you pretend to like it just so you can snag him. Do you want your relationship based on a lie? Or you dress or act in a way you think he’ll go for, even if that’s not your style or personality? How the hell will you sustain it? You know you’re as amazing as he is—carry that confidence in all your dealings with this dude and he’s bound to fall for you. And that’s no trick—that’s the truth.

SIN SAYS
Nice, Dice, but if I might offer some practical counsel? Since you talk—a lot—you’re halfway there. Here, five pointers from this guy’s perspective on how to captivate in conversation:
#1 Be interesting. You shine when you show what a fascinating, involved person you are. Share your opinions and bring up your passions. That doesn’t mean be conceited; simply speak like you are a person who matters.
#2 Be interested. Ask questions about what he’s up to and into. As far as Dice’s point above, you needn’t feign interest in things he likes, but it’s certainly fair to ask him about them. Open-ended questions keep the conversation going and ought lead you down innumerable paths where you’ll discover true common ground.
#3 Be polite. Though not a trick, this is a secret girls often miss: Guys love good manners. Talking tough, swearing and being overly boisterous is amusing to us, but ladylike behavior floors us.
#4 Be mellifluous. By no means should you put on a phony voice, but do cultivate the dulcet side of your tone. High-pitched screeches and loud or nervous laughter are unappealing, whereas softer speech commands a man’s attention.
#5 Be out. As in, be first to exit the conversation. It gives you an alluring air of mystery, and underscores the fact that you’re a busy, active, involved individual. With a smile and a touch, tell him, “I’ve got to go…” This will make him want more time with you, and perhaps ask for your contact information.

PDA PROBLEM
My two best friends are going out—and they make out in front of me all the time! It’s like, walk upstairs, make out; walk downstairs, make out. It’s so annoying, but I don’t want to stop hanging out with them. Can I tell them to quit it without being rude?

DICE SAYS
If these guys are your best friends, you can be open with them about anything. Bring it up as a joke, like, “Hey, I hear there’s a 12-Step program for kiss-a-holics now” or “Yikes, you guys! Hormones gone wild or what?” Then be honest, without being brutal and saying it’s annoying: “I love you guys, but your non-stop PDA embarrasses me. Can you tone it down while we’re all hanging out?” Chances are, they’ll try—but don’t expect them to be hands (and lips) off. Maybe once their relationship settles down a little, they’ll chill a little.

SIN SAYS
Not to be rude to you, dear lady, but perhaps your friends are trying to tell you they need some alone time. It’s possible that’s the message behind their constant make-outs. Put it this way: The more time you spend with this kissy couple, the less time you can spend out there, where your own make-out partner is no doubt hoping to meet you

TRIANGLE STRANGLE
My friend and I got a crush on the same guy. Guess what, he picked her. Trouble is, six months later, I like him more than ever! Plus, they’re always fighting, and he’s always asking me for advice. He deserves so much better, but he claims to love her. I have no idea what to do.

DICE SAYS
First, my sympathies! As love triangles go, this is one of the worst Sin and I have heard. To me, the move that will hurt least is to ease out of the picture. Start throwing yourself into other projects (your art, your schoolwork, a job, sport or volunteer gig) to keep busy and meet new people. At the same time hang out with this couple less. It may seem unthinkable, but the torture of seeing them together, witnessing their fights and then having to offer him a shoulder to cry has got to stop. If they ask why you don’t hang out with them as much, simply say that you’re busy and excited about other stuff you’ve got going on. It will be hard at first, but once they’re “out of sight” they’ll be more “out of mind” and you can go on with your own life.

SIN SAYS
I agree it’s wise to hang out with him less right now, but if your ultimate aim is to be with this boy, remain in his life. For the first week, do avoid him entirely—give him a chance to miss you. Then, send him a brief but cryptic message—let him know he’s in your thoughts. When he responds, do not be at his beck and call. Refuse to see him until he begs! Before you agree, ask why he wants to see you so bad. If he confesses that his feelings for you go beyond friendship, reiterate that you care about him but are uncomfortable with the situation since he has a girlfriend. Perhaps he’ll come to his senses and break up with her—and if you are still available and into it, you can start something together. But rather than count on that, do get out of this pernicious holding pattern and move forward.

MORE, MORE, MORE!
I have this friend but I want it to be more. Trouble is, I think he’s into one of my friends. Do I a) go for him, b) do nothing, c) tell him to stop stalking my friend or d) boot his ass?

SIN SAYS
Start by asking him to do something with you away from your regular social sphere—go to a museum or on a hike, or simply explore a different part of town. If he agrees, that’s a sign that he, too, might be interested in you romantically. If conversation flows freely and you feel comfortable, ask him straight up about your friend. He may a) Say he’s free and clear of deep, abiding feelings for her—if so, give him a special smile and tell him how pleased you are to hear that. Or b) Confess his passion for her—then you’ll know the score and can bow out gracefully. As to booting his ass, there’s no need if he’s a good person. Appreciate the friendship for what it is and eventually someone else will catch your eye. Indeed, he may be crushing on you already…

DICE SAYS
I agree with Sin in theory, but in practice his advice might be hard to follow if it turns out this guy really is into your friend. The most important thing to remember is this: His interest in her doesn’t devalue you in any way—you’re still as smart and beautiful and cool as ever. It’s just that right now, you and he aren’t meant to be. So don’t wrack up bad karma by interfering with him and your other friend—don’t trash her or tell him she doesn’t like him. Also, until you get over your romantic feelings for him, you might want to hang out more with other people. Yeah, finding someone else to crush on is a great way to get over a guy, but if there’s no one else worthy of you right now, branch out. Broaden your social horizons by throwing yourself into activities, school, work and volunteering. Have fun, keep busy and love will find you!

FIGURE HIS SPEECH
How can I tell if a guy is serious when he says stuff like, “Luv ya! See ya later!”

SIN SAYS
Actions speak louder than words, dear lady. In this century, people tend to throw around that word love (luv? egads!). But your boy’s behavior will indicate if his use of “luv ya” goes beyond mere colloquialism. When a guy likes you, he’ll show off in front of you, ask your opinion on things, offer to share something or help you out and simply make every effort to be near you. If he gives you this sort of attention at the exclusion of other girls, and if he seeks to spend time with you alone, those are strong indications that he’s romantically inclined towards you.

DICE SAYS
True, Sin, but sometimes guys want you to meet them halfway. They don’t want to be hurt, so they’ll flirt but won’t follow through by asking you out. So if you like him, give him a taste of his own verbal medicine.  For instance, next time he says “See ya later,” counter with (in your own sassy but smiling way): “Well, I’m pretty busy. When later? I’ll see if I can fit you in.” Or when he hits you with a “Luv ya,” go right back at him with, “Oh, yeah? Prove it!” (if you dare). If that’s not your style, ask him to partner with you on a project so you’ll be able to log some one-on-one time and see what he’s really like. Don’t rush the rapport—let things develop naturally. If it turns out he’s too flighty for a real relationship with you, you’ll know soon enough.

BREAK UP BASICS
What’s the best way to break up? I’m definitely over the guy, but I don’t want to hurt him.

DICE SAYS
Breaking up sucks not matter what side you’re on—but you’re cool for trying to make it as painless as possible. Still, you can’t be so gentle that he doesn’t get the message. Stick to the 3Fs: Fair, firm and fast. Start by saying something nice, but get to the break-up in the same sentence. Then reiterate the break-up info. Something like, “You’re an awesome person, but our relationship isn’t working. We don’t belong together and we need to break up.” Then shut up, and leave the scene. The news probably won’t be well received, but don’t let yourself be talked out of your decision—a break up is not a negotiation. Say,  “I can see that you’re hurt, and this is hard for me, too, but I promise you’ll realize this is the best thing for both of us. Now I’ve got to go.”

SIN SAYS
What you say when breaking up is important, but there are other things to consider. Do it face to face—never on the phone, in an email or one of those damnable text messages. Pick a place that’s semi-private, semi-public. It should happen away from the eyes and ears of your friends, but offer an easy exit for you and make your soon-to-be-ex less likely to have an over-the-top emotional reaction. A park bench comes to mind. Avoid mixed signals. Saying you’ll call him later or see him next week only prolongs the pain. Don’t leave the door open for getting back together. Insist that communication be cut off. And don’t say, “let’s be friends” unless you truly wish to, keeping in mind that a friendship between you cannot happen right away. Both must heal from a breakup before you can start down that path.

THE “ONE DAY” ONE
The guy I like is a few years older than me, part of the popular group and a big flirt. Is it hopeless?

SIN SAYS
You show wisdom beyond your years because you realize that you and he most likely won’t become a couple right now. That doesn’t mean you two cannot have a friendship. Go on up and talk to him. If he’s unkind or dismissive, well, you have just encountered a jerk (an encounter I urge you not to repeat). But if he’s genuinely nice, find out what common ground you have—a sport, a band, a subject. Let the friendship develop naturally and slowly, and never do anything that you feel even slightly uncomfortable with in order to impress or please him. Ultimately, the age difference may become less important, and the bond you forge as friends may blossom into romance down the line.

DICE SAYS
Sorry, Sin, I don’t agree. To me, this sounds like a futile attraction. Crushing on this guy is practically like crushing on a celebrity. I’m not saying he’s a jerk, but there are jerks out there—guys who’d take advantage of a younger girl just because they can (and because they’re jerks). It can be hard to tell if he’s “genuinely nice” when you’ve got stars in your eyes. Sure, get to know him—figure out what it is you like about him (hopefully it’s not strictly how hot he is!). But rather than put all your eggs in a “one day” basket, consider his positive attributes and seek them out in boys you’re more likely to have a worthwhile experience with.

LONG DISTANCE INFORMATION
My boyfriend and I met this summer, but he lives in Canada and I’m in California. Recently he told me (in an email) that his dad was giving him a hard time about being on the computer a lot, and that he didn’t know how much longer he could “hold on” this way. What do you think he means? He never said we were over, but I’m confused.

DICE SAYS
Your boyfriend’s probably trying to segue your relationship into something more casual and less committed. Even if his dad wasn’t cramping his computer time, with school’s starting again, he’s going to be very busy—with activities and people down the street, not hundreds of miles away. As will you! Yeah, he’s not being as upfront as he could be, but he’s no doubt hoping to avoid hurting your feelings. So now it’s up to you: Tell him you agree the relationship needs to take a new turn. Suggest that you simply check in with each other once a week or so to keep up on what’s happening in your lives. If either one of you meets someone else that you want to explore romance with, be honest about it and wish each other luck—but still stay in touch. Down the line, who knows—you may become geographically desirable.

SIN SAYS
Agreed. I’d just add when you communicate with your boy, send him pictures or videos. This will help hold his interest. Guys tend to be visually stimulated; he may not have the time or attention span to read a long missive, but a few photos of you having fun and looking great will remind him what an awesome lady you are—thereby defying the old expression “out of sight, out of mind.”

TALKING THE TALK
I really like this guy but whenever we’re together I feel like I have nothing to say to him. What should I do?

DICE SAYS:
Yeah, and I bet the second he walks away you can think of a million things to talk about. It’s natural to get tongue-tied around your crush. One practical approach to chatting him up is to do some research. Find out what he’s into, and if it interests you as well, ask him about it. Don’t fake it, though. Like if he’s a soccer freak and that bores you to tears, pretending to like it would establish your relationship on false ground. Also, the common interest is your launch pad, but that doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything. It’s stimulating to share differences of opinion. If you can’t find a convo-sparking subject, think about why you like about him so much—hopefully, it’s deeper than him being scorchingly hot. If he said something smart or sensitive in class, or did something noble or funny in a social situation, tell him so. Just don’t wait too long, or he’ll forget what he said or did. Finally, remember the tried-and-true advice about asking him open-ended questions that require more than a “yes,” “no” or “I have no idea” answer—good questions mean good conversations.

SIN SAYS:
Excellent points, Dice. Certainly, if you appreciate a boy’s actions or remarks, giving him a sincere compliment will please him. Avoid being too gushy, though, lest you embarrass him. Might I also add that simply admitting that he makes you a bit nervous is a fine flirtation technique. As in, “Hey, can I tell you something? For some reason, whenever we’re together, my normally stellar vocabulary diminishes to a few monosyllables. You think perhaps you can help me with that…?” Something along those lines, conveyed in your own cute but earnest way, will give him the idea that you like him. Be sure to make eye contact, smile, and speak slowly to get your message across. Keep in mind that he’s probably nervous around you, too, and will be glad for your frank and flirty confession.

VIRGIN ON THE VERGE
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a few months. Lately, he's been (gently, jokingly) asking me to give him sex. Unlike all our friends, I’m still a virgin—and a relationship should be based on more than sex, right? Trouble is, I’m afraid he’ll break up with me if I don’t give in. Help, please!

DICE SAYS:
You’re right: A relationship should be based on more than sex. That said, sex can add dimension to a loving, solid relationship. The key is, you both have to want it, equally. After all, sex is something two people share. That means sharing in the act, and sharing in the responsibility (protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection is an absolute must). If you “give” your guy sex before you really want to and feel ready—emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually—you may not be prepared for it, you may not enjoy it and you may regret it. That opens the door for other problems, and could lead you to break up anyway. Then how would you feel? Like crap, that’s how. Don’t worry about the virginity status of your friends—you’ve got to do what’s right for you. And if he breaks up with you because he wants sex so bad, let him go.

SIN SAYS:
Call me old fashioned—I’m a product of the eighteenth century, after all—but I think you should break up with him. You say he communicates his desire in a gentle, even joking manner, and perhaps that’s true, but how can you make such an important decision under constant pressure? Right now, he may sense your insecurity about him ending the relationship—and he may use that to his advantage. If you initiate the breakup, he’ll only gain respect for you, and see you as a confident woman who’ll not succumb to pressure. You needn’t dump him harshly; simply say that things are moving too fast for you. Then see what happens. If he immediately hooks up with another, then you’ll know what his priorities are.

PARTY MONSTER
I’m completely in love with a boy who doesn't know I exist. The problem is, he’s a major partier and I’m a good girl who never gets into trouble. What should I do?

DICE SAYS:
Start by thinking through what would happen if you two got together. Do you think you’ll change his partying ways? Because, sure, people can and do change, but only when they choose to—it’s pretty much impossible to change another person. If you think you’re going to remake him into the guy you want him to be, you’re in for a disappointment. If, on the other hand, you’re intrigued by his “bad boy” behaviors and think he’s the one to indoctrinate you to the dark side, well, that’s a strong temptation but I don’t believe it’s the smartest reason to pursue a relationship. Yeah, opposites attract, but they can also combust!

SIN SAYS:
Wise cautionary advice from Dice, but it fails to address the other portion of your dilemma: That of the boy not knowing you exist. Since you two don’t know each other, how can you be sure he really is such party monster? Perhaps he simply has an exaggerated reputation. To find out, you must get him to notice you. I’d recommend the simple, straightforward approach: Go up to him, smile and say hello. Be completely yourself about it—don’t try to dress or act like the kind of girls you think he likes. If he’s mean or dismissive, then he is a fool and beneath you. If he responds to your gesture in kind, take it from there. But I’d urge you to get to know him verrrrry sloooowly—that’s the only way to find out if your outlooks and lifestyles are really that different, and if it’s possible to meet in the middle—a sort of romantic compromise. Be warned: That combustive element Dice speaks of could leave someone burned, and I’d hate for it to be you.

FIGHT CLUB
Okay, I’m totally in love with my boyfriend but we fight all the time about the stupidest things. Then we get mad and break up, but by the next day we apologize and get back together. Are we doomed?

DICE SAYS:
While I don’t believe that a relationship needs drama to be intense, I do think fighting can be okay. It all depends on what your bouts are about—and how you do battle. If you and your boy have opposing values or deep differences—you don’t define commitment the same way, or you’re not on the same page when it comes to how sexually involved you’re ready to get—that’s probably not good. Plus, fights about jealousy and/or control issues pretty much suck. Take a minute to examine your relationship: If your squabbles are about those kind of big issues, fighting won’t fix them. But if they’re more differences of opinion (“I hate that song” versus “I love that song”), it’s healthy for you both to voice your opinions.  To avoid pesky daily break-ups, learn to fight fair. Make a pact to “agree to disagree.” That means no nasty name-calling or demeaning remarks (a la, “You’re a moron if you like that song”). If you really love each other, you’ll avoid saying hurtful things in anger.

SIN SAYS:
Wise as always, my dear Dice. If you and your boy constantly battle over big issues, it doesn’t bode well for the romance. I’ve also noticed that some couples get into no-win fights about each other’s personalities or tendencies. Perhaps one of you is often late, or doesn’t dress a certain way, or looks (just looks!) at attractive members of the opposite sex. Fighting about such things is futile: You cannot change your boyfriend, nor can he change you. The two of you must accept these “flaws” or the bickering and nagging will take their toll and doom is, I fear, inevitable.

TRIPPIN’ TRIANGLE
My BFF broke up with her boyfriend for some lame reason. The other day, her ex came over to hang out. A little while later my friend walked in. She took one look at us (me on the bed, him on the floor) and stormed out. I ran after her, but she accused me of seeing him (okay, I have always liked him, but she didn’t know that). Now she won’t talk to me. Plus, he won’t talk to me either because he thinks I set him up! Any suggestions?

SIN SAYS
I don’t believe any of the characters in this passion play are being particularly honest. Your friend evidently still harbors feelings for her ex, and may well want him back. The guy doesn’t know what he wants—or who. And you, dear lady, need to decide where your loyalties lie—with your friend, or with her cast-aside boyfriend. You made a point to assert that he was on the floor and you on the bed, but you’d be surprised how quickly the space between you can vanish! Search yourself. If it is he you truly desire, it’s likely your friendship with the girl will remain damaged (and there’s no guarantee you’ll get the guy). But if her friendship is your priority, make her understand this. Promise her you will not hang out with the boy alone again, and keep that promise.

DICE SAYS
That’s one way to handle it, Sin, but here’s another approach: Tell them both that the way you see it, they’ve got issues they need to work out with each other, and until they do, you’re staying out of it. Chances are, your friend will miss you and call you. When she does, establish some ground rules about the best way for you to relate to the guy (whether they’re still on the outs or back together). But as Sin says, you do have to be honest with yourself. Your friend may never be cool with you dating her ex. It’s not fair, but emotions are like that. So you have to figure out if you’re willing to sacrifice the friendship to explore something romantic with the guy.

FIENDING FOR MR. FLIRT
I really like my best guy friend. My best female friend told him this but all he said was he “doesn't date.” Yet he’s totally touchy-feely, and flirts with a bunch of other girls. What should I do?

SIN SAYS
There’s not much you can do, as this is one of those “it’s not you—it’s him” situations. It’s evident that the guy likes you—he’s among your best friends. But he’s at a place in life where he’s not ready to less officially date, much less settle down with one girl. I’m not sure I can convey what it’s like to be a young man surrounded by ample female loveliness, but the expression “like a kid in a candy store” does come to mind. If there are qualities about this boy that you appreciate, continue to be his friend, but steel yourself against getting too hung up on him. Don’t let your affection for him keep you from seeing someone else who may be more mature and romantically inclined towards you now.

DICE SAYS
Makes sense, Sin, but I don’t know if I can convey what it’s like to be a girl and see your crush getting all flirty-wurty and touchy-feely with every chick in the nabe. It hurts! So I just want to say I sympathize. Part of the problem is girls tend to mature faster than boys—that’s why we may be more ready for real relationship while they’re chatting up everything with a pulse. Still, it’s true what Sin says about this being a life stage for this guy—he may change when he grows up a little. No, you can’t change him—but if you remain his friend and keep being the awesome person you are, one day, when he’s ready, he may see you and go “A-ha!” So don’t wait around or anything, definitely explore other people. But down the road…who knows?

LEFT & RITE
My boyfriend left me a year ago and I still can’t move on. We’d hooked up a few times, but he stopped because of another girl. Will he ever fall for me the way he had before?

SIN SAYS
I cannot tell what’s in this boy’s future, but at present he has evidently moved on…to another girl. It seems as though he has some honor, too, since he quit hooking up with you in effort to be true to her. So rather than devote your focus to whether he’ll fall for you again, I urge you to do all you can to get over him by dating someone else. You needn’t fall in love with Mr. Next, but simply talking to another guy who finds you interesting and attractive will remind you how interesting and attractive you are. Consider dating “off type”—someone you may not think of as your sort of guy, someone as different from your ex as possible. This will expand your horizons, and help you realize that your former flame isn’t the be-all and end-all. 

DICE SAYS:
Good advice, Sin. But date-worthy guys can be hard to find sometimes—especially if you’re comparing every male of the species to your ex. So I propose you actively purge him by performing a ritual. Put on something you feel comfortable and beautiful in and go to a private place where you feel secure. Then write your goal as succinctly as possible on piece of paper and light a candle. Next, just talk, out loud, about the situation that’s troubling you and how you want to resolve it. In your case it might be: “I’m still hung up over So-and-So, and it’s not doing me any good. I really want to get over him, move on and date other people. So by my actions right here and now I am making that happen. I am taking responsibility for my own success and happiness.” Then I burn the piece of paper, and declare that in doing so I take a positive step in the right direction toward the future I want for myself. Give it a try—tweak the ritual to make it your own, and be careful not to burn the house down! I’m not saying it will cure you from ever thinking about your ex again, but it’s a start. 

JUST ASKING…
There’s this guy I like. We hang out, talk and stuff—but I don’t want to ask him out because if he doesn’t like me “that way,” I still want to be friends. What should I do?

DICE SAYS:
Don’t “ask him out” in the formal sense of a date—instead, just invite him to do something casually. Make sure it’s a slam dunk by suggesting something you’re both really into—he’s bound to say yes if he enjoys it, and you have to like it too so you’ll have fun and be relaxed. If you don’t know what that is yet, get to know him better—the perfect thing is bound to come up in conversation. Ideally, it should be an activity that’ll take you out of the glaring spotlight of all your friends, so there’s less pressure. Plus, changing up your environment will allow you to see each other in a different (maybe romantic) way. If the non-date goes well, be sure to tell him what a great time you had with him, and say, “Next time, it’s your turn to come up with something for us to do.” I bet he does!

SIN SAYS:
Very practical counsel, Dice, and I concur. But may I add that romance is a risk. Always. When you like someone “that way,” you put your heart on the precipice. There are no guarantees—perhaps that’s why they call it “falling” in love instead of “stepping securely” or “sitting comfortably.” You can either go for it and be daring, or play it safe—and never know.

THE WAITING GAME
My ex and I broke up during school but promised to get back together this summer. Except that didn’t happen. He says he loves me but doesn't want to be in the relationship. Sometimes when I see him he ignores me. Should I wait for him to come around, or move on?

DICE SAYS:
Mixed signals suck, and I understand your confusion. It seems that while this guy still has affection for you, he has moved on. Not to another girl, but to another phase of life that doesn’t have room for a committed relationship. When he says he loves you, he probably means he cares about you as a person and has great memories of your time as a couple. He’s trying to be “nice” about not getting back with you, and doesn’t realize he’s leading you on. The promise you both made was no doubt sincere at the time, but things have changed. So don’t waste another minute waiting.

SIN SAYS:
Indeed, move on! But keep in mind that life is not a straight line from A to B. It’s circuitous. Embark on your adventure. Someday, perhaps, you and this guy will cross paths again. When that happens, the magic may rekindle. Or you might see him and wonder, “What was I thinking!?”

WHERE THE GOOD GUYS ARE
No guy has ever asked me out—unless it was to make fun of me. What should I do?

DICE SAYS
Try to think of boys and dating in terms of quality, not quantity. Would you rather date a dozen jerks—or one amazing guy? Anyone who’d ask you out to make fun of you would definitely fall into the jerk category, and if those are the kinds of guys you’re surrounded by, find some new people. That can be hard—you have a crew, you can’t just pick up and jet to London and check out the lads there. But you can expose yourself to new people by joining a club, taking a class, getting involved with a volunteer organization, or trying a new sport or art form. Choose something you’ve always been intrigued by—that way, you’ll have a common interest and point of conversation with people you meet doing it. And if you try something that’s not a hotbed of boy activity, that’s okay, too—the girls you become friends with will know guys. Plus, you’ll be so busy having fun and building a life, you’ll be completely blown away when out of the blue the best guy ever comes up to you and says hi. And when he asks you out, it’ll be no joke!

SIN SAYS
Quite true! Expand your horizons, dear lady, and lose the losers who’d dare make fun of you. As you become more proactive, you’ll realize that you can do the asking out. As Dice often reminds me, this is the 21st century, and a girl may invite a boy. If you find someone of quality, someone worthy of you who shares an interest, speak up. You needn’t make a big romantic deal about it; simply say, in your own unique way, “You like such-and-such? Me too! Want to go check out such-and-such together next Friday?”

SHY GUY 101
I like this guy and we text a lot but whenever we’re face-to-face he doesn’t open his mouth. I get the feeling he’s still hung up over this other girl. Forget about him or make a move?

SIN SAYS
Ah, the bashful boy. Such a hero in literature yet such a problem to the lady who admires him in reality. If he truly is shy, you have a task before for you to draw him out. Start by sharing from your own life, then asking how he feels about what you’ve told him, or if he’s ever been in a similar situation. Be prepared for yes or no answers, though, or the dreaded “I dunno.” Tread carefully about the subject of the other girl you fear he’s mooning over—he’s likely to be very private about that. If you’re patient, ultimately you may gain his trust and he’ll open up to you. But he’ll never be verbose if it’s simply not his nature. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Every moment of a relationship needn’t be filled with chatter. Makes ample room for kissing, I say!

DICE SAYS
What Sin says makes sense. I’m just wondering what it is you like about this guy, beyond some chemical hormonal thing that may make you quiver whenever you see him (and don’t talk). Physical attraction is important, but lasting relationships have more—shared values, common interests, mutual respect, the ability to complement and balance each other. If, in drawing this guy out, you discover no “there” there, back off gently.

LIKE WITHIN LIMITS
There’s this guy who I knew yearrrrrs ago and recently reconnected with. We’ve hung out a few times, text and stuff. Once he told me in an IM that he forgot how beautiful I am, but another time—at an event I got him tickets to!—he ignored me. Plus, he has a reputation for getting in trouble. I don’t know if he likes me or what—and I don’t know if I should like him. I’m really confused.

SIN SAYS
Dear lady, you say you’re confused? I believe this boy is more baffled than you. It’s quite clear he likes you, but he must be at a place in his life where he doesn’t know how to handle it. Ergo, my advice would be not to put all your emotional energy into him. Like him—but don’t expect him to be reliable in a relationship at this point. Like him—but don’t give away your power, obsess over him or allow him to drive you crazy. Like him—but be open to others. That is key! As long as you maintain your honor you can see as many boys as you wish. Not only might you find someone you prefer to this guy, he may wake up—and step up—when he sees you paying attention to another.

DICE SAYS
Agreed! I would add, though, that I think it’s interesting how you say you don’t know if you “should” like him. Although “should” is not one of my favorite words, it does indicate that you have control, and that’s very smart and mature. Lots of people say, “Oh, I know he’s a loser, but I can’t help loving him!” Dookie! You are capable of deciding who you care about and who you don’t, and you do choose who you fall in love with (even if it may not feel that way). All it takes is getting your heart and mind to work together. You’ve figured that out already, and shows that you’ll be successful in your romantic relationships…whether it’s with this guy or the many Sin and I predict will fall for you.

YOUR SECRET SIGNALS
What signs does a girl knowingly/unknowingly show when she likes a guy?

DICE SAYS
Okay, I had to look this up. And damn, apparently we give a million clues, little body language blips we can’t even control. Like our pupils dilate and our eyelashes flutter and we blush. We might subconsciously bite our lips or show our tongue, correct our posture to sit up straighter. Even our voice may change—get lower or higher. And of course the dreaded hair flip, curl twirl and/or head tilt. Because these things are nature’s way of attracting a mate, there’s not much girl can do to amp them or clamp them. Try to fight them so a guy won’t know you’re into him and you’ll seem stilted; try to heighten them so he’ll get the message with a bang and you’ll come off like a cartoon. Better to just trust that biology is all systems go when you’re around the guy you like.

SIN SAYS
Fascinating, Dice! But secret signals aside, I’ll simply add that if a girl wants to show a guy she likes him all she has to do is make eye contact and smile. That’s eye contact and smile—not stare and grimace. Don’t over-think it, just be natural, and he’ll get the idea.

THE BIG QUESTION
What is love, anyway? How do you know when you’re in it?

SIN & DICE SAY
That word, “love,” gets tossed around a lot. You “love” those shoes; you “love” French fries. But we’re going to assume you mean romantic love. Such a critical question, especially since, in the initial stages, love can be confused with lust or infatuation or (not good…not good at all) obsession. So instead of tackling it separately, in our typical He Says, She Says format, we put our heads together on this one (fun!). We may not be experts on love, but here’s what we know (warning: list alert!). True romantic love…

* Is a powerful entity that lives and breathes and tickles and touches and inspires and desires and  empowers and soothes in your mind, soul and body—mental, spiritual, physical.
* Makes you the best you. One way to tell if you’re in love is if the person you’re with consistently makes you feel positive about who you are and inspires you to be even better. If he/she puts you down or makes you feel like crap, that’s NOT love.
* Allows you to always, naturally, take the other person’s wants and needs into consideration.
* Is so strong, when the other person is hurting, you hurt, too. Likewise, when the other person is happy, you feel that.
* Makes you feel safe and secure…yet excited and challenged…
* Forgives. It allows for mistakes. But it doesn’t let people debase themselves or be debased.
* Lasts. You go through hardships with this person, you see his/her faults and flaws, and still the love holds on; you’re not like, “Next!”
* Is not obsession, and shouldn’t be confused with it. It’s not something you want, or something you need, it’s something you are.
* Should be trusted. Sure, when you meet someone, of course you wonder, “Is this it? Is he/she the one? Is this real?” But love proves itself over and over again through time.
*  Is REAL. It really, really is. Really…

MANY LAYERED MESS
My three best friends all have boyfriends, but I’ve never had one. Worse, one of them is going out with a guy that I knew—and liked!—before he met her. Now, even though we used to flirt, he’s with my best friend, and I don’t know what to do! I can’t just turn off my feelings for him.

SIN SAYS:
Zounds! This is a difficult situation—my sympathies, dear lady. The saving grace is now that summer’s here, you may have more freedom to do things that don’t involve these people. Is there a passion you could really throw yourself into—learning or delving deeper into a skill or sport? Putting your energies toward a creative project can purge emotions (start a band? compose a poem? pick up a sketch pad?). How about a part-time job or volunteering gig doing something that interests you? This will somewhat take your mind off your friends and their boyfriends, and expose you to new people.

DICE SAYS:
I agree that now’s a good opportunity to explore stuff that doesn’t involve being a seventh wheel. But your friends still care about you, even though they have boyfriends now. Talk to them about how hard it is for you, and plan girls’ only activities. If they’re good people, they won’t let the bond you share be broken. As to the crush who’s now with your friend—let’s call him Bobo—write out a list: 10 Things That Are Not So Great About Bobo.  Number one might be “Bobo wasn’t smart enough to ask out a great girl like me when he had the chance!” I’m sure you’ll think of other things—not to put Bobo down but just to remind yourself that it wasn’t meant to be with him…and that you can do better.

THE WHEEL DEAL
I really like this guy, and he likes me too—but he has a girlfriend. Whenever she's around, I feel third wheel-ish and like I don’t matter. He says he likes me a lot, and we're friends and everything, but I just can’t get over him. What should I do?

SIN SAYS:
This cad deserves a good thrashing! How dare he stoke your affection, then ignore you when his “real” girlfriend is around? I use quotation marks since this poor lady is being used and degraded as well. May I ask what makes this guy so attractive? Since clearly it isn’t his valor or honesty! He seems to me like an insecure, manipulative loser who works his surface charm to compensate for the giant lack of heart and soul within. To get over him, I suggest you consider what it would be like as his girlfriend, knowing that he’d soon fill the role you currently play with another girl (and he would). You say you feel like a third wheel in this relationship, but the correct metaphor for what you are is second fiddle. And no lady deserves to be played!

DICE SAYS:
There’s not much I can add to Sin’s advice except to say don’t torture yourself by hanging out with this dysfunctional couple. See other friends or find new people. By sticking around them, you’re not only a glutton for punishment pouring salt in your wounds (sorry, cliché metaphors seem to be the order of the day) but you lessen your chances of meeting a guy who is available to you. Keeping busy is also a good way to quit obsessing over your contemptible crush. Dedicate this summer to learning new things, exploring new territory and getting to know new people.

GET THE MESSAGE?
The guy I like lives a town away. We text constantly, but I don’t know if he really likes me. He never texts first, for one thing, and while sometimes he seems into it, other times his texts are boring. I see him when he comes to visit his friends in my town, but he never comes specifically to see me. What do you think?

SIN SAYS:
My dear lady, I come from a time before texts, so call me old fashioned but to me, nothing beats face-to-face communication in matters of the heart. If I were you I’d consider this relationship a pleasant diversion, but until you two have easier in-person access to each other, I cannot see it truly progressing. Typing with your thumbs will never, in my humble opinion, be on the same level as holding hands.

DICE SAYS:
Oh, Sin, get with the 21st century already! Sure, technology will never replace direct contact, but back in your day, couples sometimes had to maintain passionate relationships through letters alone. So as I see it, the problem isn’t texting, it’s that you seem to be doing all the work! Try not texting him for a day or two and see if he reaches out to you. Relationships should be 50-50, with each person being equally attentive. If he doesn’t start doing his share, I think you’ve got his message. So why not be open to a guy in your town that you can text­—and touch?

BANTER OR BOGUS?
Me and this guy have the weirdest on-and-off relationship. He flirts with me, I flirt back, and then the next day he ignores me. So then the next day, we’re both mean to each other…and then the cycle starts again. Should I even bother with him?

SIN SAYS:
What this relationship needs is a little consistency. Make a pact with yourself to be sweet to him on a daily basis for a week. Smile and greet him, offer a pleasantry or compliment—and see if you don’t get the same in return. Once you two get on a romantic roll, and begin to trust each other, your dynamic may regain some of that bantering quality. But if he dares to ignore you or be cruel when you’re being lovely—then no, don’t bother, as he is beneath you.

DICE SAYS:
Mm-hmm, I agree. Roller coasters are fun, but you wouldn’t want to live on one. Sometimes we think a relationship needs drama to be meaningful, but in fact it’s when two people really “get” each other, and get along, that true love kicks in. It’s fine to banter—most intelligent people like to challenge, even tease, each other. But it’s never okay to be mean. Trust your gut on this: If he’s deliberately a dick to you, forget him. Yesterday!

THE LIKE LIST
Guys can be so hard to read! How can I tell if my crush likes me?

SIN SAYS:
We’re not trying to be mysterious, I assure you. But we are interested in protecting our egos. That’s why guys aren’t always overt about displaying interest—lest you not feel the same, or our friends think it uncool. Also, guys and girls tend to communicate differently, so you may not pick up on the signals he’s sending. Here are some sure signs that a boy likes you:

• He talks to you (even if he’s not romantic—sometimes just saying hi is a huge hurdle)
• He looks at you (even if he looks away when you look back)
• He seeks your opinion
• He shows off in front of you
• He teases you
• He smiles at you
• He touches you (a noogie counts)
• He offers to share something of his
• He’s around you a lot when he doesn’t need to be

DICE SAYS:
I agree, those are all good signs. Only keep in mind, just because a guy likes you doesn’t mean he wants to be your boyfriend.  He may do stuff on the “like list” above to lots of girls. When he does the stuff on the list to you exclusively, then you know he’s serious.

WHO’S ON FIRST?
When I asked this guy out, he told me, “You’re cute, but I’m not looking for a girlfriend.” Still, we flirt, stare into each other’s eyes; I even overheard him tell his friend he likes me. He hasn’t tried to kiss me, though. Should I make the first move, and how do I do it?

SIN SAYS:
This is a tricky one, a delicate balance of timing, environment and ego. Every guy is different, so while one might enjoy it immensely if you took the lead, another might not. So I suggest you find a moment when you’re both comfortable and alone, then ask him straight up, in your own distinctive way, “Why is it that you flirt with me but never try to kiss me?” Watch his reaction, and if it’s encouraging, add, “Because if you want to kiss me, I hereby grant you permission…” In the unlikely event that he fails to accept this invitation, save face by simply poking him on the shoulder with a, “Just kidding!”

DICE SAYS:
Sounds to me that most guys would respond to this approach—they like it when you’re direct, but they don’t like it when you’re pushy. Only Sin didn’t address the fact that you already asked this dude out and he declined. I’ve found that guys mean what they say, so when he told you he didn’t want a girlfriend, he was probably serious. Maybe he changed his mind since then, but you can’t change it for him. No matter how good a kisser you are. Point being: He may kiss you—he may kiss you a lot—but that doesn’t mean he’s your boyfriend.

MODERN LOVE
What do guys (from this century) honestly look for in a girl?

SIN SAYS:
Guys seek the same qualities today as they have forever. Which is to say, it depends on the guy, and where he is in life. Some guys are frankly shallow—they want a pretty face, an alluring body, a non-challenging personality. Others want to experience all kinds of girls because they’re not ready to settle down. Then again are guys who know what they want in a girl because they know themselves, and seek someone who’ll reflect their nobility and challenge them to reach new heights. There is one quality, however, that all guys find attractive. Confidence. There’s nothing more beautiful or sexy or exciting or intriguing than a woman who carries herself like she knows her worth.

DICE SAYS:
Last I checked I have ovaries, so I can’t weigh in on what guys want. But my two cents are this: I urge all girls to think more about what they want in a guy, instead of what a guy wants them to be. As long as you’re a cool person—kind, compassionate, productive, noble—you deserve the best.

TORN BETWEEN TWO
What are you supposed to do when you love two guys in two different ways? One I am more into as a friend, while the other one is more of a bad boy, and it’s more of a physical attraction thing.

DICE SAYS:
I’m big on writing things down — it helps me work stuff out. So I suggest you take a piece of paper and make two columns. Put bachelor #1’s name on one side, and bachelor #2 on the other. Then answer these questions about each guy:

* When you’re with him do you feel good about yourself?
* Do you share values and interests?
* Do you aspire to be more like him?
* Do you respect him?
* Is he in general a positive person?
* Do you feel safe when you’re with him?
* Is he honest with you?
* Is he kind to other people and animals?

You’re looking for “yes” answers here. The boy with the most “yeses” wins. Of course, if you’re not physically attracted to your friend, you can’t force it. That may come in time, though — Sin and I are bombarded by questions about people who fall in love with a friend.

And what about the guy you’re drawn to physically? If he doesn’t have a lot of “yeses” in his column, you may be setting yourself up to be hurt. So be smart and if you feel he’s simply irresistible, protect yourself (your heart, soul, health, body, mind). Don’t give anyone power over you, no matter how hot he is!

SIN SAYS:
Excellent queries, my dear Dice — when it comes to a healthy relationship, “yes” answers to those are far more important than “Does he make me feel like a plate of warm brie?” Yet may I point out that simply because a fellow is devastatingly handsome and talented and desirable and passionate doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person. Thanks to the media that seems to rule modern society, we are all too inclined to label people — the “bad” boy, the “nice” girl; he “looks like a slacker,” she “dresses like a slut.” (Not that similar biases didn’t exist in the 18th century.) Such labels do not encourage independent thought. Reject them, I say, and take each individual on his/her own merits. That means getting to know a person, and taking your time about it. Go slow, be open, and you never know…

FUTILE ATTRACTION?
I have liked — no, loved — the same guy for a long time. We flirt, but nothing ever happens. He’s a close friend, smart, funny, unique, respectful — all I could ever want. I think he may know how I feel, but I’m too afraid to tell him. Help!

SIN SAYS:
Ah, what’s the expression — you snooze, you lose? Are you willing to see some other young woman move in on the one you love? And should she be part of your social circle, you’d need witness their every public display of affection! You say “nothing ever happens” but one of you must make it happen. Perhaps you can perform a simple yet unmistakably romantic gesture, to which he will have to respond. To wit: Use your finger to “draw” a heart on his back or arm when you’re hanging out. He will either draw a heart on you in return — or withdraw.

DICE SAYS:
Oh, Sin, that’s a brilliant idea to draw a heart on him — romantic, definitely, but sassy and still subtle and not nearly as risky as sending him a love letter or telling him “I’m into you” face-to-face. Still, it takes courage, and it makes me think of the way you describe this guy: smart, funny, unique, respectful. Would you apply the same words to yourself? And add kind, beautiful, positive, powerful? And a host of other wonderful adjectives? Remind yourself how lucky this guy, any guy, would be to have you — that ought to boost your confidence and trample your fear. Corny but true: Before you can love someone else, you’ve got to love yourself. Not that you have to be perfect, but recognize and celebrate all that’s cool about you.

FLIRTATION FIASCO
I really like this guy, but my best friend likes him too—and apparently he’s into her because now they flirt all the time. I’m glad she's happy but I just get really depressed when I see them together. What can I do?

DICE SAYS:
Oh, damn. How much does it suck to be you right now? What should you do? What can you do! Besides suffer. Okay, here are some dos — and don’ts:
* Do distract yourself with stuff you love. Your art, your favorite subject, your sports thing, your other friends and family.
* Don’t be a glutton for punishment. There’s no law that you have to hang around those two all the time or hear all the details of “and then he said, so then I said…”
* Do be open to other guys. The whole plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea thing. Just don’t rebound with someone who’s not worthy of you.
* Don’t be anything less than a friend. Avoid bitchy or passive aggressive behavior towards your friend. It’s better to distance yourself a little than act in a way that’s beneath you.
* Do learn a lesson from this. If you like a guy, go for him in a way that’s true to who you are—or another girl could walk on up and catch his eye.

SIN SAYS:
That’s all very wise, Dice. But those two are merely flirting, not betrothed! This may seem mercenary but I believe you have every right to flirt with him as well. He may not even know you’re interested, and is simply flirting with your friend because she sparked it. (And I wonder: Was she aware that you liked him too? Hmm.) Perhaps I’m looking at this solely from the guy’s perspective, since what fellow wouldn’t enjoy having two girls to flirt with. But I don’t think you necessarily need bow out at this point. While it may not strictly adhere to some “honor among best friends” rule, just know you have the option.

FRIENDS FOREVER
So I’ve been best friends with this guy since fourth grade. Here’s the issue: I think I might like him, and he the same, but if we did go out and it ended badly, I wouldn’t want to lose my friendship. What should I do?

DICE SAYS:
Fourth grade?! Fourth grade?! A friendship that goes back that far ought to be rock solid. So if you both want to segue into something romantic, maybe you can just make a pact at the outset: No matter what happens, we will stay friends. You could have a conversation about what you both want from a relationship to make sure your expectations are in sync. Stuff like, “Would we be exclusive?” and “What are we going to tell our friends?” Then check in with each other occasionally, like: “Okay, how do you think this dating thing is going?”

SIN SAYS:
The spark of love can ignite at any time—so why not now? I agree with Dice’s counsel wholeheartedly. All I’d add is that if the two of you do elect to go there, make your first official date as romantic and fantastic as you can. You know each other so well in so many ways, but what you’re embarking on is great and glorious and mysterious—don’t deny yourselves that magic!

LAST CHANCE AT ROMANCE
Me and my crush will go separate ways at the end of this school year—I’m moving and may never see him again. Last year we were close and hung out, but this year he’s aloof and doesn’t relax when we talk. I don’t know if he cares about me at all. What should I do?

DICE SAYS:
Normally I recommend to let a crush take its course, but time is running out for you two. The confines of school can make things hard, too. If you know that you share an interest, why not ask him do something. (Like if you’re both into art, how about a museum? Nature lovers—maybe a hike?) Or if possible, throw a casual party and invite him. If he says yes, that’s a good indication of interest, and you’ll be together in a relaxed atmosphere. Before you act, though, think it through: Even if it turns out he’s into you, your relationship seems to have a built-in expiration date since you’re leaving town. Can you handle that?

SIN SAYS:
Your caveat, Dice, is wise—but as the Tennyson said, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” So I do advocate action. Allow me to point out that the change in this guy’s behavior doesn’t necessarily indicate that his feelings towards you have cooled. Perhaps something is going on at home—a parent lost a job or is unwell. It’s also possible that he, too, is aware of your imminent departure and doesn’t want to show that he’s aching over that. If you are brave enough to be bold, take the chance.

NEW BOY BLUES
There’s this hot boy who just moved here. He is like no one else! We started talking out, but the trouble is, these other girls are into him too. And these girls are NOT my friends. Should I tell him not to hang out with them (they are such users)? Tell them to back off? What?

SIN SAYS:
Ah, the pleasures of being the new guy in town that everyone finds intriguing! And the prospect of having females fight over you—that’s a first class ticket to an ego trip. I’d advise you to play it cool around him. As the one girl not fawning over him, he’s bound to seek you out.

DICE SAYS:
I don’t believe in “playing”—even playing it cool. You gotta be you, and if you like the dude, you like him. But remember, the only person you can control is YOU. Who are you to tell him not to hang out with anybody? He already has a mother. And if some girl told you to back off a cool guy who was a free agent you’d tell her to mind her business, right? So keep talking to him—ask him to do something interesting, give him a glimpse of how awesome you are, discover the things you have in common. No need to go out of your way to be around him; just live your life, some of it in his line of vision. And be civil to those other girls—not phony, you don’t have to pretend you like them if you don’t, just be noble about it all. Ultimately he’ll make the right choice (i.e., you) and if not he’s not worth it.